being broken during a time of giving thanks

I'm just going to come out and say it.....

I'm broken.

Broken into a million, trillion tiny pieces.

My world rocked to the core.

My life turned upside down.

To say I'm devastated is an understatement.

This past week has been heart-wrenching, stomach twisting and so, so many tears shed.

I break out  in full blown sobs in the middle of conversations, while I'm driving, during prayer, folding the laundry, in the middle of the store.....

even writing this.

I can't explain why things are happening the way they are.

Why after the most difficult 3 plus years of my little family's lives we are where we are now.

Divided.

Separated.

Torn apart.

And why now? Why this month of all months?

I'm suspecting I had a stirring of my soul a few months ago for this very reason......

I had given myself a gift, or a promise rather, a few months ago.

Instead of asking for something for my birthday in November, I wanted to give unto others.

I want to serve where I'm needed.

Out of pure love.

Instead of receiving gifts, I wanted to give gifts. 

To give myself to others.

Because let's face it, I'm blessed. I really truly am.

I don't have a lot of needs (besides prayer).

I have so much to be thankful for.....

A God that loves me unconditionally.

A family that is there for each other....willing to help in any way. Always, always.

Friends who make me laugh and smile and bring so much joy to my life.

Children who I can NOT thank God enough for......

they are my rays of warm delicious sunshine every single day.

And a husband who works very, very hard for our family.... our provider and whom I love more than he knows. I'm thankful for his sacrifices he's made for our family.

This past week I couldn't help but wonder if God hadn't placed that little idea seed on my heart for a reason. He had known I'd be broken.

He had known I'd want to be selfish and needy and to feel sorry for myself.

I won't even go there and when I start to I remember that promise I gave myself awhile back.....

to love others, serve others, give unconditionally and with great thanks.

And just because we've been hit with a tidal wave,

doesn't mean I'm thankful for it.

I'm thankful for this challenge....although I don't wish it on anyone. Ever.

I'm thankful to be broken.

Broken before the Lord.

I know in time things will heal....

the tidal wave will settle....

hearts mended....

hope will shine through again....

love restored.

This next week I can't wait to see where the Lord leads me!

I'm ready! I'm excited!!

Before I go, I do have a couple prayer requests:

1- My family. God knows our needs, but specifically healing.

2- My journey next week. I will need guidance, wisdom and a very open heart.

Do you have a prayer request?

I'd love to pray for you in any way I can...please feel free to leave your prayer request(s) in the comments. No need to leave your name, just your request :)